By Julie Baker
When journeying with anyone, it is essential to explore issues by asking open-ended questions—questions which help people to identify their unmet needs and to investigate how these needs can be met in alignment with God’s truth. For transformation to occur, the questions need to draw out internal beliefs which influence thoughts, reactions and behaviours. The underlying beliefs are key to the transformation process being successful.
Jess’s Story: Jess is a successful businesswoman who struggled with personal relationships. Three failed marriages and three estranged adult children left her with many internal unanswered questions, along with negative beliefs about herself.
We began to explore the beliefs Jess held about herself by asking:
- Who do you know yourself to be?
- How do you describe yourself to others?
- How might your ex-husbands, estranged children, colleagues, and family speak of you?
- How are these perspectives relative to who you long or want to be?
It soon became obvious that Jess held assumptions and evidence about others’ opinions of her that mostly aligned with how she viewed herself. The self-critical analysis only held a negative perspective. Jess held a belief in God and was willing to include relevant exploration around faith.
By connecting to an affirming perspective of God’s truth about herself, Jess was willing to begin exploring a narrative that was strengths-based and positive. This transition to self-perspective aligned with God’s truth enabled Jess to believe in possibilities and to hold hope, working towards better future relationships.
Graham’s Story: Graham has many physical challenges. He was unemployed, unable to work due to pain and physical limitations. He experienced depression, and the pain he felt was so intense that at times his condition challenged his sense of sanity. Daily struggles to achieve basic survival led Graham to believe that he had no value, purpose or hope.
Exploring the narrative Graham daily encountered began with questioning:
- What do you believe about the value of people who are unable to earn money through employment?
- Where/when did you form that belief?
- How does this belief now position you? Is this belief the truth about you?
- If there is a voice that said to you, ‘There is no condemnation of you, due to your physical limitations,’ what might that change in your perspective of self?
- Recognising the level of pain you experience, what might be the value of seeking daily rest in green pastures?
- Do you believe that God could restore your soul? If you could reframe the perspectives you have held to faith-based perspectives, what might you start saying to yourself about your situation?
- If you could believe the truth you hear God speaking, what might change?
Through the explorative questions about the inner voice and beliefs he held, Graham is learning to speak kindly and truthfully to himself. Accepting his limitations without condemnation has alleviated the spiral to depression and enables Graham to find reasons to be thankful for his personal trials.
When transformation is the key intention of questions, it is valuable to remember those questions that have helped us to reflect on the inner thoughts and beliefs that lead to transformation of actions. Who am I? Is this the truth, a misbelief or a lie? What is the truth here? How will this change my belief and action? What does God say to me in this situation?
Questions for Self-Exploration:
- Who is God/who am I?
- Do you have any reference to how God might speak of you?
- How different is God’s opinion of you from what others and you yourself say?
- Why do you think God might hold that perspective?
- What might God know about you that you need to learn about yourself?
- What would Jesus do?